well♡ loved, take 2

I have started this post four times now. I thought that sitting down and putting my thoughts out there would help me feel better… that it would make me organize my very scattered brain. It’s not working. So, I started going through old posts, hoping that something would inspire me, or at least something that would calm my frazzled nerves. That was a success.

Reading this old post has brought a sense of calm over me (and maybe a few tears to my eyes). Even if the feeling is only temporary, I know that I will always be well ♡ loved.

catch up!

The last time I posted was in April. Let’s rewind….

  • I finished up my spring semester at Mizzou (Yay!!). And one other small thing, I was on crutches (Boo!).
  • The first time I really spent any time walking was graduation weekend in May. I was in two ceremonies, and I walked across the stage both times. (Goal: Achieved!) I spent all summer fighting with my foot/ankle and trying to stay out of the sun (it’s a redhead thing). I took one more class over the summer and finished out the lease on my apartment.
  • A couple days before I moved home my five year relationship ended. Looking back, it wasn’t as shocking or world-ending as I thought it was in the moment. It was truly for the best.
  • And then I moved home…

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE living at home. There are so many advantages… it just has some challenges that I wasn’t expecting. There is never ever a dull moment around here. I couldn’t have said this a couple of months ago (and it’s really hard to say it now) but I am truly thankful to have a year “off” … but I don’t know that it’s really a year off when I’m doing now more than ever before. I work part time at a Physical Therapy clinic as an Aide (LOVE my job and my coworkers!!) … I volunteer once a week at Ride On St. Louis … I’m taking classes … I’m teaching Sunday School to the 2/3 year olds. Needless to say, I keep busy. But it’s a different kind of busy than when I was on my own in Columbia, and I’m learning different ways to (better?) manage my time.

I think that about catches you up… but that’s not what brought me back to writing to you, whoever you are, tonight. I’m here to try and make some sense of my thoughts. What’s stressing me out tonight is relationships.

I have been on the “Quotes” section of Pinterest the past few nights, usually until I can’t hold my eyes open anymore, with one person on my mind, trying to figure out how/what to feel. I realized tonight that I was approaching it the complete wrong way. I may be able to identify with some of the quotes that I am reading, but someone else’s words should not be defining what I feel.

Speaking of definitions… this is what Webster’s has to say on relationships: “a connection, association, or involvement.” Connection. That’s exactly it.

Rewind, again. I believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. I believe that there was a reason that I ran into that particular person that particular morning; there is a reason that our paths crossed.

There is a reason that, despite every warning flag being waved high, I still feel a strong connection… and a resolute desire to explore. Every logical, rational, coherent thought that I have screaming in my head to just walk away is overrun by a pressing desire to give it a shot, a real chance. Don’t we owe that to ourselves? Maybe the timing isn’t right and the situation isn’t ideal. It’s downright complicated, but aren’t complicated things more fun? The simple stuff that is handed to you isn’t what makes memories. The things that are hard work or that you have to wait for? That’s the stuff memories are made of. I’m ready to throw the rule book (the one I’ve lived my entire life by) Out.The.WINDOW.

My favorite Pinterest quote for the night is from Judith McNaught.

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”