rambling thoughts…

I’m a planner, in case you haven’t figured that out yet. I pretty much do anything to make sure that my plans aren’t changed.

The plan was to start graduate school this summer. I didn’t get in. That plan isn’t happening. And it’s scary.

I’m taking a year “off” in order to take a few more classes, work, and do some volunteer work. But I can’t help wondering, “What if?” What if I do all of this and don’t get in again?

As you may know, I believe everything happens for a reason. And as much as I hate to admit it, I know that things are going to happen the way that they’re supposed to happen; no matter what I do, if things aren’t supposed to happen, then they’re just not going to happen.

All of that is rambling, I know, but that’s the way things happen in my thoughts, and I’m still trying to sort through them myself. All it’s doing in the mean time is causing stress.

I’ve been researching a back up plan to try and help ease my anxiety about going through all of this, but sometimes I wonder if that is just adding to the stress and making it all worse. I can’t figure out the balance between “giving up” on my dream of being a PT and being reasonable about the options that are being presented to me in other areas. How do I know if these other opportunities are the ones that I’m supposed to take?

Unfortunately, I haven’t figured out an answer to all of my questions, and I’m not sure that there is going to be a clear answer. That’s what scares (and stresses) me even more.

Something that’s helped to get me through all of this is simply writing things down. I start lists of things I’d like to do. I sit and daydream about what my life might be like if I were to become something other than a PT. I focus on the positives that could come out of those situations, and I keep track of those things. I have a list of things that got me interested in becoming a PT. With those, I am looking for a “back up” plan that would allow me to achieve most of those goals, or goals that are similar. And, of course, all of that is in writing. Maybe there’s a better way to do it, but that’s all I’ve figured out… for now.

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