Accepting Assistance

My school personality is very different from how my close friends know me. Growing up with Mom as a teacher, I was taught that you don’t cause problems in class, you are respectful to the teacher, and if for some reason I got in trouble, I knew the punishment at home would be much worse than anything that would happen at school. So I’ve adopted a sort of wallflower personality in the classroom. I like to stay out of everyone’s way and just do what I’m supposed to be doing so as not to upset the teacher or cause distractions. It has been hard to maintain this persona while on crutches. They’re loud and obnoxious and as soon as I walk in the room, everyone seems to notice. It is beyond embarrassing.

Another part of my personality is independence (stubbornness?), which is also hard to maintain while using crutches. I hate having people help me with anything, and if there is any way I can do it myself, you can bet I’m going to.

Having people help me was nice at first, but now it’s downright frustrating. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the help, because I definitely do appreciate it, it’s that I always feel like I’m troublesome and a bother to my teachers and classmates. It’s exasperating.
I was wondering why I was having such a hard time just accepting that, for now, I need the help that people are offering. I have come to the conclusion that its not entirely because of the personality that I have, but it’s because I have trouble accepting that I’m worth the effort that other people are putting forth to help me, even if its simply holding open the door for a few seconds.

I’ve always had trouble accepting things for myself whether it was giving myself some time to relax or a gift from someone else. I never felt like I had “earned” it. But what I’m coming to realize is that some things you don’t have to “earn”; there are some things that you can just receive and accept, including gifts to yourself.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that the reason that people are holding doors open for me and helping me out with things is not because they feel sorry for me, at least that’s not the whole reason. It’s for the same reason that I hold doors open and help with things I’m not expected to; it’s because I simply want to help, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Those people aren’t judging me or my worth, they’re just helping.

After figuring all of this out, it’s made my days (somewhat) less stressful. It’s easier to accept the help than it is to worry constantly about how I’m going to do things on my own. Something I still have to work on, though, is asking for help when I need it, but that’s for another time. For now, I’m going to celebrate what I’ve figured out on my own.

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SUMMER

I LOVE summer. I’ve always loved summertime. My mom is a teacher so she always had the time off to spend with me and my siblings. We have been lucky and have always had some sort of family vacation or stay-cation. My favorite part about summer, though?

Summer foods. Watermelon. Strawberries. Watermelon. Pineapple. Watermelon. Kiwi. Watermelon. Blackberries.

Did I mention WATERMELON? Many times my grandpa has looked at me and said, “Girl, you’re going to turn in to a watermelon!”

March is “National Nutrition Month”. I know, I know. It’s also “International Listening Awareness Month”, “National Clean Up Your IRS Act Month”, and “Supply Management Month” among MANY others. People hear the word “Nutrition” and groan, sometimes audibly, but nutrition doesn’t have to be an annoyance in your life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a crazed health nut. I have a sweet tooth the size of Texas and have even been called a chocoholic. But I know that moderation is the key. Now I know you’re probably saying, “She’s lost it now. She’s rambling about things that are completely different…”

Actually…

One of my favorite parts about summer fruits is that they help to satisfy my sweet tooth. There is nothing better than a sweet, juicy watermelon. But it’s more than just helping to satisfy your serving of fruit. That delectable WATERmelon is a great source of … you guessed it! … WATER! Two birds with one stone? Ill take it!

Nutrition doesn’t have to be scary. The key is moderation of the wonderful chocolate treats and the good stuff your body needs.

If you’re a Mizzou student, you can meet with a health coach to learn more about nutrition and healthy eating. If not, the CDC has an introduction to nutrition to check out! Challenge yourself to learn something new about nutrition every day. It’ll be a lot less stress on your body if you’re giving it the stuff it needs.

Now… about that watermelon…

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Why? Why? Why, Annie? Why? Why?

Having a broken foot has left me with a lot of time to sit on my butt and as I’m pretty much burnt out on television, I have started thinking. A LOT. I hate judging/being judged but it seems as if it’s almost a “normal” part of life. I’m not just talking about saying to your friend, “OMG! Her shoes are so hideous!” as you are walking down the street. Submitting all of my applications was scary because I knew I was being judged and compared against five hundred (or more) other applicants. I could not figure out why I kept getting so stressed out about these people judging me; it’s not as if I’d even met them before. Then I would feel myself getting angry. I would wonder what gave them the right to even be judging me, and why they got to be on the committee, and I would just wind up judging these people I don’t even know! It was a vicious cycle, but I just couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it.886619_10151557488713455_742234898_o

I spent this past weekend at home, and it was something that was definitely needed. I ended up spending a lot of time with my cousin Mckenzi (right), and time with a two year old is never boring. She is definitely in the “Why?” phase of her life, and is without a doubt questioning everything. At one point I was incredibly frustrated by her constant questioning, mostly because I was out of answers. I turned to my mom and asked, “When is she going to grow out of this?” She answered that she didn’t know, but she hoped that she never did grow out of it. She said that it was wonderful to constantly be questioning things in life.

During my drive home, I was thinking about Kenz and the conversations that we had. Something she just couldn’t seem to wrap her head around was my foot being broken. She kept asking, “But why you break you foot, Annie?” The difference between the questioning minds of a two year old and a twenty one year old is that I can just accept some things as ‘just the way they are.’ Kenz does not accept that answer for anything. It got me thinking, though. Why can’t I accept the things in my life that I cannot change anymore? My applications are in. I’ve done everything that I possibly could (and then some) to get myself ready for this point in my life. Why can’t I just accept that some things are out of my hands? And why can’t I see myself the way that she sees me? She isn’t going to think less of me if I don’t go to graduate school right away. She only gets upset with me if she’s in trouble, but even then I know that she still loves me. Why can’t I be that way about myself? Life would be so much simpler and less stressful.

I can hear her say, “Why, Annie? Why?”

Simply put, I’m a part of the human being club. I make mistakes, lots of them, and I have flaws. But if I can recognize these things about myself, it is the first step in making myself the best me I can be.