Possibilities, Part 2

If you haven’t read Possibilites, Part 1 yet, please do that now.

I’m no stress superhero. I certainly carry my share of stress, and some days I really question why I was even asked to start this blog. I have spent the past three years exploring myself and my stress and I have gathered a pretty large “toolbox” filled with tools that help to relieve my stress. The one thing I do have in common with a superhero is that I have a major weakness; my kryptonite is a fear of the unknown.

One of the tools in my toolbox, my hammer so to speak, is planning. I love to sit down and hammer things out in to a plan whether it’s a to do list or a study schedule, and I always write in ink. It’s something that I’m really great at. Not being able to plan something out and having to just “wing it” is one of the hardest things for me to do.

Coming in to college, I had a plan. Throughout my three years here at MU, my plan has wavered, much to my dismay, but for the most part has stayed completely on track. I set two goals for myself when I started back in August of 2010.

1. Finish my undergraduate work in three years.

I can almost check this goal off. Officially, I’ll be able to on May 17th. On May 18th, I’ll be able to put the icing on the cake. I will be graduating with cum lade honors, as well as an honors certificate for completing twenty hours of course work through the honors college. I have worked tirelessly through the past semesters to make this goal come true. I don’t usually say this, but I’m incredibly proud of myself for (almost) achieving this.

2. Begin graduate school immediately after graduation and become a Physical Therapist.

The plan with this goal has always been to stay at Mizzou and complete their program. Unfortunately, that’s what the universe has in store for me, and I’m completely crushed.

I didn’t place all of my eggs in one basket, of course, and I applied to a few other schools. But those schools were a backup plan, or a safety net, that I never dreamed that I would have to actually put in to place. Even though I do have safety nets that will hopefully catch me if I fall (I’m still waiting to hear on some), I’m completely scared out of my mind. I got a letter from my landlord the other day about renewing my lease and I had a complete meltdown because I truly realized that I have no idea where I will be living next year. After I spent some time crying my eyes out, I curled up on my bed and was watching television, I Love Lucy on TV Land, to be more specific. That’s why this particular commercial was on and sparked this inspiration.

[NOTE: I have no affiliation with this company whatsoever. I was simply inspired by the message in their commercial]

This commercial talks about the size of the windshield vs. the size of the rearview mirror in a car. My “car” right now is my life, and every day (multiple times per day, actually) I catch myself looking in the rearview mirror. My mind starts to fill with “What if’s?” and “What else could I have done?”, along with a barrage of negativity that I bring down on myself. Soon, I’m spiraling downward, and sometimes I feel like it’s completely out of control; as if there is nothing else that I can do to try to bring myself back to the present and focus on what’s happening now. Every time I look in the rearview, it’s as if there’s a storm waiting to bring me down.

Something that I’ve started working on since I’ve seen this commercial is to keep looking forward. I know that I’ve worked incredibly hard to get myself where I’m at currently, and that there’s no use in looking backward. I can’t change what’s already behind me, no matter how hard that I try. I also can’t control what’s in front of me. Even the safest drivers occasionally get in accidents. Life has a plan for me, and I just have to enjoy the ride, even though that’s easier said than done.windshield

Advertisements

the things we can control

Everyone all week has been terribly stressed out about the winter storm, myself included. I just couldn’t fathom how I was going to be able to navigate crutches in the snow and ice!

Now I understand that some people (MODOT workers especially) have very good reason to be stressed. Lets help them out by removing some of the source of their stress. STAY HOME. Unless you absolutely, without a doubt have to be on the road, DONT BE. (I’m thinking doctors, nurses, emergency personnel.) Take the time that Mother Nature has given you and relax. There is no reason to be at home stressing out thinking about all the things that you could be doing at work. You cannot do them right now. Instead, take some time for yourself. Catch up on something that you want to be doing instead of something you have to be doing. If you need me, I’ll be reading a book that I want to read and laying in bed with my foot up. Enjoy!

P.S. I haven’t forgotten about Possibilities, Part 2. Its coming soon, I PROMISE!

Possibilities, Part 1

I saw this video last week and have been pondering the message ever since. No, not about the company and purchasing an insurance policy from them. Simply about the possibilities that life has for me in the future. I’ve started recording my thoughts on this, and have been working on putting them in to an organized post. However, Tuesday I fell and broke my foot and my productivity for the week has been shot. (Talk about a stressful week!) Anyway, I promise a more organized post with my thoughts next week. In the mean time, I challenge you to think about the POSSIBILITIES that your life holds, not the PLAN that you have for your life.

[NOTE: I have no affiliation with this company whatsoever. I was simply inspired by the message in their commercial]

Death

Are you squirming yet? It’s not a topic that a lot of people like to talk about or think about, including me.

On one hand, I think that we are desensitized to it in a lot of ways. We see it every week on CSI and in the movies; in some plot scenarios, you may even feel relief when the villain is the one who dies. Television, though, is nothing compared to reality. Even in reality, though, we have no problem saying that someone such as Adam Lanza or Michael Devlin would be better off dead.

There are lots of ways to go… quickly, painfully, early, peacefully…but, to put it bluntly, they all end in the same way. Someone is gone. And those left behind are hurting. Even in the cases of those who have wronged others such as Adam Lanza. His family is feeling grief not only for what he did, but also over the fact that he is gone.

Personally, I get caught up in the unknowns. Why does a mother have to bury her son? Why is he gone when his life and marriage and family were just beginning? Why did his grandfather out live him? Even though I was not close to him, I hurt for my brother who was close with him; I hurt for my aunt, cousins, and the rest of my family who should not have to be going through this. All of the unknowns create unthinkable amounts of stress and anxiety, and I can only imagine how the rest of our family is dealing with all of this.

What I keep reminding myself and find a small amount of peace in is that it was supposed to happen this way, no matter what of what ‘our’ plan was. If something else was supposed to happen, then that’s what would have happened. Regardless of if you believe in a higher being or spirits or whatever, one thing is certain: there is only a minute amount of things that we can truly control. Everything that is supposed to happen is going to happen.