If you haven’t read Possibilites, Part 1 yet, please do that now.
I’m no stress superhero. I certainly carry my share of stress, and some days I really question why I was even asked to start this blog. I have spent the past three years exploring myself and my stress and I have gathered a pretty large “toolbox” filled with tools that help to relieve my stress. The one thing I do have in common with a superhero is that I have a major weakness; my kryptonite is a fear of the unknown.
One of the tools in my toolbox, my hammer so to speak, is planning. I love to sit down and hammer things out in to a plan whether it’s a to do list or a study schedule, and I always write in ink. It’s something that I’m really great at. Not being able to plan something out and having to just “wing it” is one of the hardest things for me to do.
Coming in to college, I had a plan. Throughout my three years here at MU, my plan has wavered, much to my dismay, but for the most part has stayed completely on track. I set two goals for myself when I started back in August of 2010.
1. Finish my undergraduate work in three years.
I can almost check this goal off. Officially, I’ll be able to on May 17th. On May 18th, I’ll be able to put the icing on the cake. I will be graduating with cum lade honors, as well as an honors certificate for completing twenty hours of course work through the honors college. I have worked tirelessly through the past semesters to make this goal come true. I don’t usually say this, but I’m incredibly proud of myself for (almost) achieving this.
2. Begin graduate school immediately after graduation and become a Physical Therapist.
The plan with this goal has always been to stay at Mizzou and complete their program. Unfortunately, that’s what the universe has in store for me, and I’m completely crushed.
I didn’t place all of my eggs in one basket, of course, and I applied to a few other schools. But those schools were a backup plan, or a safety net, that I never dreamed that I would have to actually put in to place. Even though I do have safety nets that will hopefully catch me if I fall (I’m still waiting to hear on some), I’m completely scared out of my mind. I got a letter from my landlord the other day about renewing my lease and I had a complete meltdown because I truly realized that I have no idea where I will be living next year. After I spent some time crying my eyes out, I curled up on my bed and was watching television, I Love Lucy on TV Land, to be more specific. That’s why this particular commercial was on and sparked this inspiration.
[NOTE: I have no affiliation with this company whatsoever. I was simply inspired by the message in their commercial]
This commercial talks about the size of the windshield vs. the size of the rearview mirror in a car. My “car” right now is my life, and every day (multiple times per day, actually) I catch myself looking in the rearview mirror. My mind starts to fill with “What if’s?” and “What else could I have done?”, along with a barrage of negativity that I bring down on myself. Soon, I’m spiraling downward, and sometimes I feel like it’s completely out of control; as if there is nothing else that I can do to try to bring myself back to the present and focus on what’s happening now. Every time I look in the rearview, it’s as if there’s a storm waiting to bring me down.
Something that I’ve started working on since I’ve seen this commercial is to keep looking forward. I know that I’ve worked incredibly hard to get myself where I’m at currently, and that there’s no use in looking backward. I can’t change what’s already behind me, no matter how hard that I try. I also can’t control what’s in front of me. Even the safest drivers occasionally get in accidents. Life has a plan for me, and I just have to enjoy the ride, even though that’s easier said than done.